President Barack Obama laid into some popular targets — cable news, Republicans, critics of his climate change and immigration positions, more Republicans — at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner Saturday night, otherwise known as the "nerd prom." If the audience reaction was any indication, arguably the most popular lines were about the President's version of a "bucket list."
"I am determined to make the most of every moment I have left," the President said. "After the midterm elections, my advisors asked me, 'Mr. President, do you have a bucket list? And I said, 'Well, I have something that rhymes with bucket list.’”
"Take executive action on immigration? Bucket. New climate regulations? Bucket. It’s the right thing to do."
Here are B&C and Multichannel News's nominees for the balance of the top 10 zingers, in no particular order.
- "As always, the reporters here had a lot to cover over the last year. Here on the East Coast, one big story was the brutal winter. The polar vortex caused so many record lows, they renamed it 'MSNBC.'"
- "I want to thank our host for the evening, a Chicago girl, the incredibly talented Cecily Strong. (Applause.) On Saturday Night Live, Cecily impersonates CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin. Which is surprising, because usually the only people impersonating journalists on CNN are journalists on CNN."
- "[I]t is no wonder that people keep pointing out how the presidency has aged me. I look so old, John Boehner has already invited Netanyahu to speak at my funeral.
- "A few weeks ago, Dick Cheney says he thinks I’m the worst President of his lifetime. Which is interesting, because I think Dick Cheney is the worst President of my lifetime. It’s quite a coincidence."
- "I’ve got to stay focused on my job, because for many Americans, this is still a time of deep uncertainty. For example, I have one friend — just a few weeks ago, she was making millions of dollars a year. And she’s now living out of a van in Iowa."
- "Ted Cruz said that denying the existence of climate change made him like Galileo. Now that’s not really an apt comparison. Galileo believed the Earth revolves around the sun. Ted Cruz believes the Earth revolves around Ted Cruz."
- "Soon, the first presidential contest will take place. And I for one cannot wait to see who the Koch brothers pick."
- THE PRESIDENT: Because despite our differences, we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day. // LUTHER (the President's "anger translator," played by Key and Peele's Keegan-Michael Key): "[W]e can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with some nonsense! Sharia law is coming to Cleveland. Run for the damn hills!”
- "Anyway, being President is never easy. I still have to fix a broken immigration system, issue veto threats, negotiate with Iran — all while finding time to pray five times a day."
