The Campaign Legal Center, though smarting from a defeat in the D.C. Circuit on issue-ad regulation, still had sufficient holiday spirit to offer some of what it called "bipartisan lyrics for Congress."
In that spirit, and without further reference to the rather loose rhyme scheme, I offer up their version of "My Favorite Things" from Sound of Music, or in this case perhaps it should be "Sound Of Cash Registers."
My Favorite Things
Free corporate travel and space on a Lear jet,
My pick of concerts and lots of free tickets,
Checks in brown packages – all come with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Close calls and outcomes where I am the swing vote,
Getting the credit for earmarks that I wrote,
Having the K St. guys each kiss my ring,
These are a few of my favorite things!
Dinner at Signatures and rounds on golf courses,
Pre-BCRA money from undisclosed sources,
Packing my district with the right wing,
These are a few of my favorite things!
When campaign’s done,
When the money’s spent,
And I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my leadership PAC,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
OK, I lied. I can't help but edit it because that's what I do, in addition to which parody is my middle name after being weaned on Mad Magazine and National Lampoon and Alan Sherman and Tom Lehrer and Firesign Theater and here is how I would have edited the above for tighter scanning:
My Favorite Things
Free corporate travel on my choice of Lear Jet
Tickets to concerts that only folks here get
Checks in brown packages, all tied to strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Close calls with outcomes where I am the swing vote,
Getting the credit for earmarks my staff wrote,
Having the K St. guys all kiss my ring
These are a few of my favorite things!
Dinner at Signature, rounds on golf courses
Pre-BCRA money from undisclosed sources,
Packing my district with all the right wings,
These are a few of my favorite things!
When the campaign
Lacks for champagne
And I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my leadership PAC,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
By John (Happy Holidays) Eggerton
